Signature

You see the hearts carved on to the trunk

The "Susie loves Johnny" or "Timmy loves Faye"

You see the "4-ever" and sometimes it's all crossed out.

It was an important tree that held their hearts.

Placing a pen in my hand

I stare at the paper

Was this the part of that tree?

The one of many with many carved hearts?

Or is this the part that the names were crossed out...

The heart that was broken

And the tree that was shredded?

It had to be.

I picked up my pen more than once

I stared at the paper thinking, "just sign"

I laid down the pen each time.

This was where Susie loved Johnny.

I could feel it.

It always sounded effortless

But feels too hard.

It was always coming 

but now that it is here.....

I remembered the cement being fresh

The sign that said "do not walk-wet cement"

I remember his and her names by his mom's front yard

And over the years it is still there

But they are no longer.

We didn't write in cement

We didn't write on a tree

But we signed on those papers

We signed over the hearts

Over the names that we could not see

It meant the world.

I picked up my pen more than once

I stared at the paper thinking, "just sign"

This was where the heart was crossed out

I could feel it.

~~grb  2013~~

Can't Fix It

 You

 can't make it right

You can't make it better

You can't fix the hole

and it keeps getting bigger. 

You know what is wrong

You can't make it right

You can't fill the darkness

When you can't find the light. 

You just can't.

Dropping like weeds

The flowers just die

Nothing is forever

Now that aint no lie

Closing my eyes

Doesn't mean its gone

Forgetting everything

Makes it more wrong.

I just can't fix it.

Engulfed in the flames

Of a well lit fire

No water to pour

No love undesired

Drench me in my blood

Of what could have been

Memories that linger

Capturing me within.

Sometimes I feel flattened

Sometimes I am numb

Sometimes I feel beaten

Sometimes I feel dumb

There are moments of truth

That perhaps I wish weren't

I am drinking down this bottle

So I don't feel the hurt.

~~grb~~ 

2013

I just can't fix it. 

Turn Down the Lights

Turn the lights down low

place the vinyl and play it slow

It's gonna be a long night tonight

So pour a drink and stay a while. 

Tell me Captain--do you go down well with ice?

Or maybe better straight?

Tell me Jack--do you prefer the bottle?

Or is it all the same?

Burying my soul under the ground

heart beat just slowing down

reality kicks in on it's own,

Skyy, help me fill the hole. 

So tell me, Jameson, can we do this all night?

Hey, Jäger, there is no need to fight.

So, José, what's the worm for?

Just shoot it back and bring me more.

Sitting here makes me think,

Stopping that by having another drink.

There will be no tears falling in my cup

Hey bartender, fill it up!  

It's a slow dance with a slow song...

hey, Patrón, let's take your platinum for a ride

Then let's get naked at the beach

And get wet in the tide

 

 Turn the lights down

In the bottom of the glass is where I drown

It's gonna be a long night tonight

So pour a drink and stick around. 

~~grb~~ 

 Feb 2013

 

 

 

Epiphany

the leaf fell and normally I would scoop it up

but today, i let it lay there.

perhaps it is not for me to pick it up everytime

or even mine to scoop for even a moment.

it wasn't just any leaf...

it was a leaf of years and years

something i found value in caring for

i looked forward to that one scoop....

but it is not mine anymore.

so every now and then

i will see it fall

i will smile, short memory

and walk on by.

i know that day must start soon,

but i sit here on the stoop

watching it move lightly in the wind

and i think...

it isn't moving for me

it is moving because of the wind...

so does that mean it was never really mine?

yes, and I have known that for years.

once there was a rose

a rose of years and years

something he made his.

once there was a petal of the rose

that fell to the ground,

it was his time to walk on by.

~~grb  2012~~

(picture does not belong to me...was sent to me via my cell phone with no tag.)

What it wasn't...

Tainted by lifeless needs

She dangled her hand across the swing

Her fear was not of loving again

but of never being able to love;

It was the ultimate block to her happiness.

She tiptoed through the grass

Testing it with each toe

She stepped down on each foot

to feel the pain enter though...

It bled red.

Sitting in the swing, she looked down

Wiping the blood gently, she shed a tear.

Not a tear of pain nor the chance of infection

The tear that fell was of one only...

The tear of fear..

Fear of never being able to love again...

The next blood drop,

The next walk in a cold park

The next visit to the moonlit beach

Who will warm the air?

Who will dry the blood?

She dangled her hand across the swing

Laying her head against the chain

Her fear wasn't of loving again...

~~grb  1/2013

Before the Storm

 calm the rain 

before the storm

hear the angels crying

it's coming down

like never before

see the world... dying

it's coming down

it's closing in

what have you done?

where have you been?

down one knee

down on two 

now you pray

not knowing what else to do.

calm the rain

here comes the storm

I close my eyes

I'm feeling worn.

It's closing in

wrapping around

the very soul

the angel found

it's coming down...

the rain will fall

the earth will turn

you feel so small.

it's coming down

it's coming down

save your soul, 

it's coming down. 

~~grb  2012~~

 

 

To Believe It All

I lay awake at night in my cold bed

thinking of life and things that surround it.

I lay awake looking out the window

Thinking of the years of the stars

How we all disappear but they remain.

The oceans will fade away

The twinkle in each ones eyes die out

The dirt remains with nothing growing

Memories we fight so hard to have...to keep...

Yet who will be here to remember?

The fog fades into the night

And I lay here wondering  who will remember me?

And for what reason may I cross their mind?

If I cross it at all in this busy world of lost souls.

Nothing dreary here...just simple words...

Words that may mean nothing at all in years to come.

But as I lay here, I think of faith, love, miracles

All which just are said to simply exist...

Just because they do.

I am not so sure. 

Everything you are taught to believe...

All the things that show no proof of existence

But we are just expected to believe it all...

To live by it all. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a "see it to believe it"

Kind of girl.

~~grb 12/2012~~