Sometimes....

Sometimes I wish I could erase yesterday.

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward through tomorrow. 

And then sometimes I wish I could delete today...

Sometimes...

I wake up to early in the morning

I sleep too little at night.

I dress in sweats because it fits

And my ponytail is held too tight.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish my mind could work with my heart

And that my mind would work with my feet

And then maybe I wouldn't stumble across myself,

or stumble at all.

Sometimes....

I wish I could forget my heart

I wish I would never dream

Sometimes I wish for nothing....

 

But sometimes...

I lay awake at night...

Stretched across my sheets

Wishing for a good dream

Wrapping the blankets around me.

Tonight...

I wish I wasn't hugging myself

And laying in the cold.

I wish it wasn't the blankets 

That were there to keep me warm.

Sometimes....

~~grb  2012~~

One of These Days...

Falling from the sky, I"m watching it go

One of these days the sky will open

And catch me with its tears...

Catching me dancing in it.

I see the blue of the sky mix with the green of the ocean

We won't have to suffer like the fish  under oil

We will have an escape....

We will find a way.

Then I'm brought down to the now...

Wishing it was the know...

Sometimes I think I'm like a paper weight

Holding something down that needs to be freed.

At times I feel invisible

At times I feel smothered...

And then the sky opens

And I drown in its tears....

I feel...nothing.

One of these days your gonna find me smiling

Your gonna see me happy and wonder where it was

Wonder what brought the shine in my eyes...

One of these days I will be strengthened 

I will be stronger than Superman on his best day.

I will be standing tall and holding strong

One of these days...

I will be my own escape. 

~~grb  2012~~

Choice

 

Feeling the warmth wrapped around me, 

my angel holds me calm.

I'm tearing myself open...

Finding myself under it all.

At times I lock up my mind

So perhaps I can sleep;

But sometimes I lay it loose,

to remind me that I am me. 

A drifting soul, I have heard one say

Goes door to door trying to find its way.

And then the door that opens wide

Takes it in and calms the tide.

I am not a drifting soul, but floating;

I am not a prize for some second place win

Or replacement jewel for a diamond lost.

I am no option, I am a choice.

I am finicky, I am indecisive

I can be confusing and sometimes righteous.

I can be irritating and very coy

I can be pleasant and full of joy.

I go through life on my own terms

I smile at those who long to see me burn.

I keep my hurt locked inside

I use it as strength to get me through life.

And so I say,

I am not a prize for some second place win

Or replacement jewel for a diamond lost.

I am no option, I am a choice.

~~grb~~1/12

 

 

Pounding Silence

Drifting silence...

Pounding silence...

Yes, there is such a thing. 

It's when the silence becomes too much;

When you hear nothing, but your mind is talking.

When the talking becomes yelling 

And your head starts hurting...

That is the pounding silence.

The nothing can be almost pleasant 

than dealing with silence.

With nothing, there isn't anything hanging around...

There isn't anything unfinished or needing closure.

The silence wraps me like an unwelcomed blanket

That drags me to my knees.

I will sleep every night like I always do...

Perhaps even dream a little...

And just wait for the silence to let me go. 

~~grb 2012~~

(photograph by ciar4)        

http://ciar4n.deviantart.com/art/Enjoy-The-Silence-62288933

No Champion

The cold wrapped itself up in me

Like a blanket smothered by a child.

Nothing comfortable, by any means.

I felt the wind pass through me like I did not exist

But the after chill proved that I did. 

I saw his eyes upon me with daggers into my soul

And the weight of his stare crushed my immortal bones.

I am a champion by no means.

My strength is tested when I feel my weakness, my kryptonite;

My poison that hits me like an injection of drugs 

Directly into my bloodstream.

I feared it was not a dream but then, that's all it was.

I woke up out of breathe...running from something that wasn't there

Something that didn't happen, Yet the eyes I still felt on my skin.

I hear him in my head sometimes...

Telling me things...

Some I long to hear and others that just feed my anger.

I have all but let go of most and am dragged back by my own mind.

The sun's gaze did not heal me nor did the warmth of a blanket.

I sat, shaken on my bed

My legs bent to one side, my arms enveloping the blanket

As if it were my safety net.

And then....

I felt the wind pass through me like I did not exist

But the after chill proved that I did. 

I saw his eyes upon me with daggers into my soul

And the weight of his stare crushed my immortal bones.

I am a champion by no means.

And by that, I seize the strength to overcome.

~~grb 2012~~