Wiping a tear from my eyes never seemed so hard before.
Eating and drinking in my life never used to feel like a chore.
I playback my memories and a smile crosses my face.
But when I play into my future, I see an empty space.
It's like I'm living in one world while my heart is somewhere else.
I try to pretend that I'm doing ok but I'm lying to myself.
My heart is very heavy and sometimes hard to carry
I play it off like I'm happy but inside it's pretty scary.
I want to lay down beside you,
Hear your heart beat close to my ear.
I want to hold you so tightly
Until all of your pain disappears.
I want to stare into your eyes
And tell you how I love you,
And kiss your lips
For as long as you so choose.
I remember once I asked you if maybe I could keep you.
You smiled at me and said "of course, if you really want to."
I remember it like yesterday, the first time you made me laugh
Or even that you never, ever made me mad.
I want to hold your hand as we may fall asleep
I want to feel your skin warm and close to me.
I want to wake up tomorrow and find it was a bad dream
That you will still be here, never leaving me.
I will not cry my saddest tears on that final day.
My gift to you will be the hardest thing I can do.
I will smile, laugh and carry on
To celebrate the beautiful gift that is you.
~~grb 1/28/16
To Dwain, with all my love.
