Walking Time Bomb

 

I tried to hold the water

but it kept slipping through my hand.

I tried to laugh and smile

but I can no longer pretend.

My heart is freezing up

My emotions are out of control...

My body is a zombie  

And my anger consumes my soul.

I am a walking time bomb

Whose clock is winding down.

I don't know how much more I can take

before I blow this town.

I sit here on my porch

wasting time that could be spent

living life and dreaming

yet I can't get off the bench.

My body is just dragging

and I'm pulling it along;

my brain can barely handle 

the weight of playing strong. 

I close my eyes to see you

And I crumble to the floor!

I can never call you,

Never hear you on the other side of the phone.

I lay here in my closet

where the walls make me feel safe

My tears are falling silently

but nothing fills that empty space.

My anger starts to boil

I can feel it burn under my skin 

And I just want to scream and punch

every single thing. 

I am a walking time bomb

Whose clock is winding down

I don't know how much more I can take

before I blow this town.

 

~~grb  2/25/2016

Rest your soul

I am suppose to say goodbye today 

And lay your soul to rest.

I am suppose to dance and laugh today 

But I may fail the test. 

I am suppose to smile and remember you

With all the good memories in our past

And move forward through the day

Forgetting that my heart is very sad.  

All these things I am suppose to do

Because that is what you asked for 

But all I really want to do 

Is cry here on my closet floor. 

I am suppose to say goodbye to you 

And lay your soul to rest.

But my heart is broken and very lost

because you were the very best. 

~~grb. 2/21/2017~~ 

The Color Blue

I dare to say, I had this dream, but more a flashback there of you. 

You were almost asleep, your body hurt 

but you  wanted to discuss the color blue...

I feel the color blue is warmth

That resonated from your beautiful eyes. 

It's the color of the sky 

That warmed your heart 

And made you smile. 

It is the color of the ocean

That we travelled through to see

the amazing island, Castaway Cay,  

as you loved everything Disney. 

It is your hand holding mine

Your heart beating in your chest 

It is the laughter that you had 

When your mind was thinking its best. 

I can go all day discussing 

what I feel is the color blue

I know you wanted to discuss it, 

But baby,  It is best described as you. 

~~grb. 2016

Sent from my iPhone

I miss him

the little things are missing

i can feel them coming for me

the memories of life and love...

So alive deep in his eyes.

I will never catch up to him..

Somewhere in his mind he is doing it..

Doing everything on his own

His body can't move much in reality

But he is 5 steps ahead of me in his head.

Overpowering are his eyes

Comforting were once his arms...

Now I touch him and it hurts him.

His embrace was always so strong..

He always held tight and made me feel safe...

I miss his touch,

His kiss, his words.

I miss his hugs, his laughter,

His random thoughts..

I miss his love.

If you look deep enough in his eyes

you will see him running...

running on the beach as free as a bird.

I want to be with him in his head

Where I can hold his hand, touch his face

Hear his heartbeat as I lay my head on his chest.  

I miss him more when I am with him

But to be with him, I wouldn't change a thing.

~~grb   1/25/16~~ 

To DWH

I miss you

It was gonna be a good day as I was on my way to see you.

But then I remembered that I could only look up. 

It was gonna be a good day...it was gonna be a good day.

I have had years of bad dreams and plenty on my mind

I did what I had to and stayed between the lines.

I thought waking up today was gonna be easier...

It was gonna be a good day...it was gonna be just fine.

When the tear rolled down and the heat sunk in

I stared out the window and found my pain again.

I can't close my eyes without hearing you.

I can't turn up the music enough not to see you.

It was gonna be a good day...it was gonna be just fine. 

I laid on the bed and I could smell you. 

I put on my clothes and I could feel you.

I looked in the mirror and you were smiling back at me.

Another tear fell down.

 It was gonna be a rough day. 

I know I am gonna make it and it is gonna be hard.

I know I can live again but I won't feel complete.

They say that he took you because he had a plan. 

I think that's crap and just don't understand.

It's gonna be a rough day...it's gonna be hard.

I just want to sleep away my pain.

When I open my eyes I won't see you again. 

So if I cry in spurts and yell in rage

If I fall down and fall into a haze.

If I crumble in tears and can't get out of bed,

I will be okay, is what you always said. 

It was gonna be a good day, I was gonna see you.

It was gonna be a rough day, as I already knew.

It was gonna be a good day as I hold you in my heart. 

It has to be a good day but I don't know where to start. 

I miss you.

~~grb  2015~~