To Continue...

Faded, Tainted, A memory

A memory just lying around collecting dust.

Transparent, Incoherent, A dime a dozen

A dozen of particles meaning nothing.

The irony in it all...in life itself.

It was a dream I awoke to

An endless nightmare, I should say.

It was the pain in my head

The hurt in my heart

And draining of my fear.

The world has its colors and shapes

It has its beauty and its ugliness..

but when you don't know where you fit in that...

You feel isolated, shattered, detached.

At one time, something can seem so beautiful

Perfect in its own way...

Even the flaws and annoyances are comforting.

Then time passes and those things...

Well, they become just flaws and annoyances...

The irritations that lead to anger and distrust.

Those things that you kept close to your heart

That you put your everything into...

Is gone in seconds.

You live your life holding things close

Praying to one you can't see...

Faith in something that no one can prove

but it helps you...it guides you...

The things we do that don't make sense...

The gut feelings we ignore in the need of happiness

The fools we become when we stay true to love

And the depths we cross to find something that doesn't exist.

Can be our ultimate demise.

Kinda funny, isn't it?

In some "the world is playing a joke on me" kinda way?

I will laugh today at my emptiness...

My solitude and my lonely heart...

I will smile at those I know won't be there forever

And faith in one I cannot see.

I will dream of love and life that won't come true

I will be a fool to someone I care to love

I will lay in bed and dream of tomorrow that may not come....

But I will live....and I will smile...and I will laugh....

Because what else do I have to do?

~~grb~~2011

Just Dig

Grabbed the shovel....

"just dig, just dig"

Where to?

til you can't no more...

Dirt flying

Tears falling

Pain suffocating

"just dig"

the adrenaline pumping

arms tiring

eyes exhausted

mind still running

"Just dig."

The voice seemed loud in my head.

Pain evolved in to anger

The anger evolved in sadness

The sadness evolved into tears...

The tears hit the bottom

And in the bottom..there it was...

The end to all the shit of life.

``grb``2011

Unobtrusive

The leaf falls

detaching from its world,

From what keeps it alive

It drifts through the air

softly hitting the ground

As I watch.

Not a moment passes

where it doesn't remember the feeling...

the feeling of belonging to something so big...

bigger than itself.

The choice wasn't owned;

it wasn't really a choice..

not of its own.

The sun comes and goes

And the leaf just lays there...

Untouched, unnoticed,

Just lays there...

The silence of midnight

Ringing through the air

The leaf lays breathing...

a paradox in its own.

Detached

Alone

Silent.

It disappears in the night...

unnoticed.

 ~~grb~~11/2011~~

The Last Brick to Fall

It was the last brick..the stepping stone even;
The final weight to let go of.
It was the pain, the hurt and the omission..
It was the lie that needed to be stopped.

I wanted it to be different....
I needed some more time...
We needed more time
but the brick dropped and it fell hard.

There is a place on my shoulder that holds a spot
A spot that once held the heaviness I was willing to bare forever..
It held the weight that my shoulders could not take.
That weight that left the outline; the indentation like it would leave in the dirt.

I tried to close my eyes and imagine anything,
Just anything that could ease my heart
Yet, here I am, writing and  trying to make sense 
of something that almost makes no sense at all.

There is an indentation on my shoulders
An outline where the pain once held
I almost want to pick it up and put it back...
The weight almost felt better than feeling the loss.

For what I know and for what I don't
For how I feel and for how I think
For every smile and every tear,
There is a brick...just waiting to fall.

~~gloria rose bond~~2011~~

In the Depths

12 ft under lies the pain

6 ft above are the voices...

They never do calm.

The winds shift, it seems,

In the right direction..

However, it hits harder

than expected.

The night drifted away from me

As I carefully laid my head down.

I am yet to feel like I have before...

I am yet to feel...

I laid there debating on sleep

But I laid there...

I laid there alone.

At times, comfort and familiarity

seems needed...

but it also seems wrong.

But also seemed like love.

I can't heal his heart

I can't numb his pain

I can't help him.

I can breathe,

I can smile

I can keep looking forward...

It's what I know how to do.

~~grb~~

2011

Wake Up

Concealed in my mind, I share nothing.
Buried in my heart, I keep it locked.
Just listen....

Do you feel me?
Hear me? See me?
Do you feel sad?
Feel mad? Feel glad?

Is it what you realized
Or were you hypnotized
By the fantasy or is it reality
Staring you in the eyes?

Were you taken by
The beautiful smiles
That in their decieving ways
Put you in a haze?

Do you hear the bells ringing
While the night is singing
Your life away?

Do you hear it?

Maybe you realized
That you were hypnotized
And after all the lies
Only tears were in your eyes.


~~grb~~
   11/2011

Hour Glass

Lemon Rain
Burning like acid on my face
Dropping down
Hitting me like volcanic flames.
Piercing my side
Feeling it in my gut
Fogging my mind
Like an infected cut.
Running from the army
That's carrying the storm
Tumbeling through the lightening
Looking for the norm.
Terrifying feelings
Of it all closing in...
Suffocating, strangeling
The lights are going dim.
Drifiting through the danger
That's clouding up my mind
Dropping through the abyss...
Falling out of time.

~~grb 2011~~