Dismissive

Unworthy of consideration...

Transparent in ones' thoughts.

Predictable in your reaction

But hopeless in your mind.

You scurry through your life

Believing everything will get better.

And maybe just this once it wasn't your fault.

You lay out everything in your mind

as if your laying out your church clothes..

Everything has to be in order

Nothing can be missed. 

Dismissive...

They look at you as if you were Eden;

Like a sacred fruit they dare to try.

You finding everyone's beauty 

Becomes the fault where ugliness lies. 

You find you were important for half second.

They always move on.

Transparent...

It's evident that you are there

But they begin to look through you.

You become weak when you trust first

but you will never change that.

They walk through walls in your mind

Because the pain you feel they can't even see.

You decline help or restitution

Because your walls are always up. 

Predictable...

They know you will take two steps and then stop

They know that only half your food will be eaten

And that the four books started will never be finished.

They know you show up early and always leave late.

You are predictable..and they feed off of it.

Dismissive, Transparent, Predictable...

You know you will never change.

They will come and go as years go by

And you will disappear from their thoughts.

In time noone will remember how passionate you were

How amazing you could love and be loved

They will forget that you had pain that noone else could feel

That the tears behind your eyes were anything but transparent.

Don't dismiss me.

Please see me.

Help me make the same two steps.

Now step back...

Unworthy of consideration,  your heart slowly stops.

Transparent to the ones who mattered...they clearly did not. 

Predictable in the life you live and the steps you take...

Do not dismiss me. 

I am a cannon ball..

I can be deadly and I will not break.

~~grb 04/28/16

"When noone notices, I will be right there."-grb

Two steps back...

It was a breeze of the wind that came over me

And with a chill down my spine, goosebumps appeared.

I knew what I was doing but I just couldn't breathe.

It was only 10 more steps and then...I would be free.

It was a chain reaction to one thing I had done

or perhaps one thing I could not let go.

I find myself in predicaments that could destroy my character

I have been called a lot of things, but self-destructive has always set true.

Let's break this down...

I carry myself with pride

Self-esteem pouring out 

My confidence held high

but my mind wonders about.

I trash my spirit wondering

why others always leave

Depending on another 

Wondering why I can't breathe. 

To ease the pain and slow the tears

I grab the glass half full 

It isn't what you think..

It's half full of vodka, ready to go.

I put myself in situations

where I just lose control.

Living in the moment

isn't always the way to go.

Take two steps back for every step forward

That's how it always seems to be.

They say love big and dream bigger

But the dreams never become reality. 

It was the breeze in the wind that came over me

like a bulldozer tearing down a building.

A chain reaction to something I had tried to let go;

I knew what I was doing but I went with the flow...

~~grb

In the Patterns

The patterns on the window shield me from the light.

I gazed upon the window pane and prayed for it to be night.

Each piece of the little artwork carried pain deep in my soul;

Each tiny little marking would never let me go.

As I pack up some of my belongings

And box up some of his. 

I stare back at the window

To see what will come of this. 

I had buried myself in the shadows trying to figure out what to do.

I had hid my heart in the darkness and acted like I knew

That the past lies in the patterns that lay upon the glass;

One tiny rock could shatter every ounce of the forbidden past. 

I never pretended to notice that the outlines were made in blood

And that every part of the shading was life just covered up.

I never thought the ending could ever be so clear

Until I noticed the shadows holding all my fear.

The patterns on  the window shielded me from the light;

And gazing upon the distant moon, I failed in my fight. 

Each piece of the little artwork that laid deep in my soul

With every tiny making that would never let me go.

~~grb  4/13/16