Under The Sun

The sun came up and I realized I was still awake
The gentle rays of the sun streamed through my blinds
And I was suddenly full of warmth.
I decided to sit outside and take it in...
And I took in more......not always good.

My mind felt like it was gonna explode
'Things in my life I have done and those I haven't
Things I have said...things I haven't.
Trying to fill voids by staying busy, being social...
Trying to fill the spaces.

Life gets overwhelming
Memories, some haunting
Dreams become mesmerizing
The days just seem long.


The sun seems warm on my face and I have decided
That I am done....
I am done going through life just to get to tomorrow.
I am done explaining my actions for what I have not done yet
And trying to figure why I have done what I have. 


I need to look at the world differently...see more than just today
The sun feels warm on my skin, fresh to my body
I can feel whole without even breathing.
I want to live under the sun for the rest of my life.


~~grb 2011~~

To Be Fearless

Perhaps my drug of choice...
My poison...My love.
I am set in my ways...in my decision
But a piece of me
Feels wrong.
Haunted by memories..
Some good, some bad.
But there are the ones that outweigh the rest.
The words on the paper...
The ink that wrote them..
The hand that held the pen...
The hand attached to the arm, to the body...
To the heart of one so in love.
The words that stretched across the page...
The page that touched the hand...
The hand that received the paper
That was attached to a heart of one so in love.
Or the touch..followed by the words
 that filled the mind and soul of one so eager...
So eager to be everything he wants..but can't.
She couldn't find her way back..
She couldn't find the path...it was so dark.
There is a such thing as too late and not better than never.
It is the time that would confuse one even more.
It is a time to choose to not be selfish...to let them go.
Letting go....even when you are so not ready.
It is the time of fear...
The fear of never touching them,
Kissing them....holding them...looking in their eyes.
It is sad, scary and hard.


When will you know what is right?


Perhaps my drug of choice...
My poison...but still, my non regretted love.


~~grb~~

In Prayer

Lord, give me something...I need something...to ease my mind.

Lord, help me breathe..I need to breathe...I keep tryin.

Everywhere I go I feel it follow....and I fall unto my knees

Everywhere I look I know its there....and its hard for me to breathe.

Can you help me lessen the anger and the pain that I still hold?

Can you give me strength to carry myself across the threshold?

I had seen him standing there and tried wishing him away...

but then I remembered how much I wished that he would stay.

So many nights I laid there with nothing on my mind...

Just stared into the darkness wishing away the light.

Now I hear him talk to me but I am just an ear

I hear it all, I have heard it before, yet this time it was clear.

It sunk into me...drowning me...suffocating me with every drop

I get it, I see it, but I wish for it to stop.

It stops when I get things done and keep on moving forward

But it still hurts, and I caused it and it's my fault that I'm torn.

The words move me like songs and I remember every detail

Where I was,what I was doing, and the death of a fairytale.

I sit here feeling petty, selfish and plain sad...

Missing all the laughter and smiles we once had.

Lord, I am not asking you to fix my life 

Or grant me a single wish

I am not on my knees begging you

For answers you cannot give.

I am simply asking for your arms

To hold me very tight

To strengthen me, love me, guide me

And direct me into the way that is right.

~~grb 2011~~

The Music of the Opera

                                      

                                   

                          I meant to be sleeping...                              

I tried, I did

But I once meant to be happy,

I tried...or I didn't.

I smile as I sit here typing these lines.

I can't help but find the funny in it.

I feel real...I feel human.

I feel like a woman in some crazy world.

A world that excites me, drives me to the limit

A world that confuses me and drives me crazy.

I find myself thinking and dreaming again...

I don't know if this is happy...its not contentment

Because I want more.

I woke up this morning knowing the day would suck...

Yet I smiled because the sun was out...

The day had begun when I woke up.

I sit here when I should be sleeping

I type when I can't stop thinking

I listen when I get tired of hearing

I feel when I crave the need

I tire when the world goes crashing...

It's like my own little opera...

I can hear the beauty of the music...

The falsetto...the exquisite sound of music...

I sit here and let my fingers do my talking

Let my mind run rampant and my heart flutter

I sit here remembering the touch and feel of soft hands

The tenderness of loving lips

And the beauty of soft skin.

I choose to remember the good to erase my bad heart

I feel empty at times and lonely as hell

But I soon shall find my filling...my dry putty to the emptiness.

Then soon the paint will follow and cover in beauty.

I will remember this moment and only think this:

The music held high and the notes tickled my spine.

The laughter that held me heavy so many times before

Felt lighter than anything

As the highest pitch was sang with perfection

I smiled and felt the warmth...a warmth that just covered me.

Sometimes I find myself  on the stage in my dreams...

I find my opera....

I find myself.

~~grb 2011~~