Just leave

The constant thoughts, the endless dreams;

it's everything that is in between.

The tossing, turning and the endless nights

inside myself, I can no longer fight.

I sit up, sit down, lie down still

Take a sip and swallow the pill.

Feeling the stress of a metaphorical weight  

Punching through the need to stay.

Sometimes I try to hate you more than hell

But I just love you so much still.

Sometimes I want to punch your handsome face

Sometimes I just want to walk away. 

I don't want to think about you anymore.

I want to run as far as I can go. 

Hear me, what I am trying to say.

I no longer wish for you to stay. 

I can't do this anymore. 

My chest pounds so hard, it's sore.

I can't keep breathing your life in

over and over and over again. 

I stared down at my cold, small hands.

When did I forget who I am?

I went against the one thing I said I would never do...

I lost myself in loving you. 

I am suppose to be waiting for this train.

Not sure where it is going or if its coming back again.

I have this constant song in my head

Loud enough to wake the dead...

It plays for you and me. 

Nothing has been what is suppose to be...

Nor is anything what it seems. 

I heard you say goodbye and so I walked away.

I told you that I loved you but you never asked me to stay.

I don't want to think about you anymore.

I want to run as far as I can go. 

Hear me, what I am trying to say.

I no longer wish for you to stay. 

~~grb 1/29/17