Selfish

Selfish is a word commonly used when referring to me

I use to find it to be an annoyance, A fault,

Something I must change. 

Then one day...

I looked around and realized that I could be selfless

When nobody was looking.

I could be caring

When nobody was watching.

I could be loving

When nobody cared to see it

And I could be selfish...

When everyone was paying attention. 

Perhaps it's not a fault but a barrier...

A wall to guard my soul.

Perhaps the annoyance was others...

Others projecting their selfishness on me,

or perhaps it is what it is.

I will no longer change to fit the dress

But change the dress to fit me.

I will no longer cover over the paint

To satisfy an unsatisfiable heart.

Selfish....

It used to ring in my head with dishonor

I maybe selfish, I maybe mean,

I maybe selfless, I may not be

I may be many things...

But that's just me.

~~grb  2012~~

Safety

In those strong arms,

In the midst of anything...

Nothing feels safer.

Knowing everything will be okay...

Knowing the world is not stopping,

That the earth will still turn..

Safety.

An endless sleep can happen

in those arms. 

A smile that lasts forever

can happen because of those strong arms.

It can be someones safety net, 

A comfort only one whose had them knows.

Sometimes we just want to know it will all be okay.

Sometimes, 

Sometimes all we need is to feel safe.

Safety.

~~grb 2012~

Don't Waste Away

His mouth moved but little could I hear

He said "your wasting away"

I shook my head, closing my eyes,

Say what?

He said again, "you're wasting away.

Falling down when you should be standing.

You've fallen away, 

Falling without a safe landing."

Say what?

And then he moved closer,

Placing his hand upon my face

His eyes held tears at each corner...

"Don't waste away, 

Wasting away like I did."

His lips were moving but I couldn't hear a thing

His eyes were crying but I couldn't even feel

He spoke slower as his body couldn't last

I question, is this even real?

Don't waste away...last words I heard him say.

I laid my hand upon his face, 

kissed his brow and thought...

How am I wasting away?

"Don't waste away"...

Then I woke up.

~~grb 2012~~

Never Been

I have never been practical.

Never been much for seeing outside the box.

I have always had my head in the clouds.

Always drifting off.

I have never been the most rational

Never been the most organized

Never been much for being wrong

And was never good at losing.

I have always been one to do first

And think later.

Push for what I want but never thinking...

Never fully thinking through the consequences.

I have never been a good listener

But always tried to be the best friend...

Who knew they went hand in hand?

I have always felt, thought, spoke and acted...

I never thought it all through like I should.

I have never pretended I loved

I have never trusted in full

I haven't always told the truth

And I have expected the worst 

Before the good. 

I have always been some things

And never been many,

But I have always been me.

~~grb  3/2012~~

She Watches....

Vines of the roses

Strong and sturdy

Wrapping itself

Around everything

A rose at the top

Looking over it all

She watches…

Once the most important

To become the least, it seems.

The vines, the stem, that she depends on

Are letting go.

She needed to be higher

She needed to see it all

She needed..SHE needed…

The rain will drop heavy

The drops will do its damage.

The vines will fall,

The stem shall grow limp

The petals will fall

They will drop and wilt,

And lie on the ground

 Becoming nothing but a memory

And yet,  She watches….

Watches it all.

~~grb 2/12/12~~

Shattered Glass, Broken Puzzle

Endless glass

Looking through like a mirror

trying to look forward

but always looking back.

Focused, pushing..

Determined to see nothing..

Nothing but what is.

And there it lies before you...

Breaking it, shattering it

7 years of bad luck

seeping through your pores..

not caring anymore.

you have mended, 

you have dealt

you have bled

you have wept

you have been cut

you've been cut deep

you have been broken

you have been...

respected, disrespected

continuously

saying one thing..

but the shattered pieces hold the truth.

lies after lies after lies...

anger means nothing 

when you only think revenge.

you put the pieces together like a puzzle

but you always see the lines..

It will never be fixed..

It will never be one...whole..real;

no fairytale entailed these pieces

Shattered, flying pieces...

Broken..never to fit comfortably again.

you have bled, 

you have wept

you have drowned in your sorrows...

you have mended

you have dealt..

You failed to fit the pieces.

Focused, pushing..

Determined to see nothing..

Nothing but what is.

And there it lies before you...

Shattered glass,

A mirror in which you see yourself..

broken, shattered, pieces.

~~grb 2012~~

Endless, or Not?

Tonight seems longer than others

Today seemed shorter than it should.

I remind myself every day of why...

And then drown in my thoughts. 

Sometimes, I just miss him.

The rain falls into my hands and I just sit there,

remembering when...

remembering smiles...

remembering hurt...
remembering love...

Sometimes, I just lay there.

I have sat in the dark and cleared my mind.

I have laid in my bed trying to sleep.

I have tried counting sheep to pass time.

I have laid there holding...me.

Sometimes, I just miss him.

I have a lot of  'sometimes'

And I have a lot of 'wishes'

Perhaps,even a lot of  'what if's'

But it doesn't stop me from missing him.

~~grb 2012~~