IMMORTAL ILLUSION

It was the illusion of things being perfect

It was the reality in my head that was ultimately fantasy

It was a danger sign I pushed aside...

It had severe repercussions.

It felt like one of the longest days;

A day that should have been happy

But I just couldn't grasp it in my hands.

It should have been a lot of things.

It didn't seem right to smile or cheer a victory;

A victory I used to see as a challenge...

Now it is a loss....a heartache that is unfixable.

I had crashed, I had burned in my own flames.

I had laid myself across the stones

Of an obtenebrated burning fire.

I had fallen into another world

A world I couldn't distinguish the two...

Was it reality? Or just another Illusion?

~~grb 10/17/2011~~

Entrapment of the Mind

It was a new image burning in my head

Longing for the old to leave.

It was a new feeling beating on my heart

Tempting the old to evaporate.

Tempting, it is, to lay desolate and kind.

I try to fight the urgency to flee;

How can you sit back and smirk,

Nodding as if you know...

You don't know.

I tried, I did but there was no going back.

I demanded to feel different,

I pleaded to feel anything but what I felt...

No mercy was given.

I lye in bed for hours...

Contemplating my decisions...

Weighing my options...

Determining my fate..

And for what?

I have seen the pages, the pictures...

The feeling of being pushed away...

Being transparent is how it makes me feel.

Alone...as if in those pages I do not exist.

Is this the chosen path?

Or given without request?

I ponder my heart's thoughts and my mind's confusion...

I drop a tear for every hurt and another for every love in my heart.

I sit for hours trying not to feel...but I just do.

I have faded in one's eyes and I push to be noticed...

Yet I know not where I should be...

I have asked the questions and gained advice...

No answers have I heard.

I see the pages in my mind...

I move the pictures but they return...

I pulled the bandage off and let it all bleed...

Yet I still fade so effortlessly.

grb--2011

Faded like a Photograph

The picture held a tree...

Not just any tree, but THE tree.

It held the house with many windows

And the sky with many colors.

The smile on their face seemed genuine;

He was holding her in his arms

and she was leaning closely against him....

Beautiful!

The picture held the all moments--

It was the soul to the memory...

and the memory of the heart.

Purely hard to miss.

Then the picture faded...

the ink lightened, and it slipped away....

She tried to remember his touch,

Tried to remember his voice....

But the picture didn't hold that....

And neither did her mind.

She closed her eyes and felt the tears drop to the depths of her soul...

And watched it all fade until it slowly disappeared.

--grb  2011--

Lil Monkey

The softness in his eyes melted my heart
His endless smile and beautiful mind
Captivated my soul.

His hands were small but strong
His smile was beautiful to a fault.
His laugh could lighten my world.

He would challenge me to better myself
He would push me to my limit
And would always make me feel better.

I watch him grow up now and my heart is warm.
He still fills that part of me that loves so strongly.
He is my reason for waking up and daring life to get me.
He has taught me unconditional love

And that noone is more important.

I watch him now, laughing it up on the phone
And I remember his first laugh, his first tears,
And his first "love you".
I remember his first everything.

I realize that he will not always be an arm length away
And that each hug is always the best hug ever.
I know he will leave me one day
But he will always be lil monkey

~~grb 2011~~
to my son

Catacombs of Naked Dreams

Combing through the naked catacombs
Of past heartbreaks and skeleton bones..
Can you hear me?

Running through the barren trees
I swear I hear the roaring seas and feel...
You can't hear me.

As I tell you of my dreadful dreams,
Selfish times and lonely things I feel...
Will you listen?

Every inch of every day that overtakes me
Hoping for something it's not
Reaching out for anything
Hurting with each dangerous thought.

The desolate area in which I may escape
Comes with whispers of weakness I can not erase.
I wonder the corridors that I have a made...
To feel the beauty of feeling safe.

And though it seems like a labrynth I walk
I follow the catacombs to where they drop
And find the beauty I had longed to see
Staring right in front of me.

And she whispered. "I hear you."

~~grb  2011  (revision of the original done 7/22/2007~~)

No Vindication

Is it evident that denial was in the cards for you?

Shifting in your seat like your on edge.

Has your conscience got the best of you?

Sweat just pouring, dripping out of your head.

No vindication here...step away

I warned you what would happen...

Should have thought of it yesterday.

I need this space just like you needed to go

I need these days to heal my mind

As I heard the trees moving in the wind

I prayed to lose all track of time.

Fallen into quick sand,

No way to get out...

Wait..Do you hear that?

The rantings in your heart of doubt?

It was a warning you got some time ago

You should have listened and now you know.

The world is closing in on you

You won't admit that you are scared too.

Isn't it evident that denial is in the cards?

Perhaps you will find the truth in your heart of hearts.

~~grb  2011~~

The Simple Things

It's the constants in our life that we usually take for granted.
It's the need to have more, want more, want better
That can make us lose focus on the simple things in life.
The simple things....

I look around at the sky above me;
The beauty of the colors that seem to hold
it together.
I see the small shiny dots that are said to be quite large
And hear the crickets playing their sweet music.

These are the simple things I have never taken for granted.
Out of everything in my life, that is what I never took for granted.
It amazes me that I have overlooked everything else
as this, in a selfish way, keeps me reminded to breathe...
to live.

~~grb 2011~~