Cowardliness

It's quiet tonight in my head

I sit here just trying to feel more

my thoughts in my head are calm

but I am not calm nor I am content.

I go through the days one day at a time.

I try not to not let everything get to me

Most people call it strength

I call it cowardliness.

I try not to think the worst

Not to dwell on the unknown...

Not knowing all the facts.

But my head weighs heavy on my shoulders

and I just can't sleep. 

I stay positive, throw it under the rug

But there are nights like tonight

Where the rug is too small...

Nights that everything weighs heavy

It wears me down.

It's a night of wine and the outdoors,

front porch patio furniture 

with a glass and two bottles.

A night that is relaxing 

Yet very sad. 

The things in my head that weigh heavy

the things in my head I can't share

Some may say it is strength

I call it cowardliness.

~~grb  5/28/13

revised 06/15/13

Like a Waterfall

 Get up in the morning, 

Turn on the water.

Test the heat.

Remove your clothes.

Take that quick glimpse in the mirror....

Maybe it will be better after...

You test the water with your hand..

You step in and feel the heat

You place your body directly under the water...

It drips over your face....

down your chest...

down your body.

You open your mouth and take a little in.

You close your eyes, close your mouth, 

and just let the water flood all over you.

You stand with your hands against the wall,

stretched with one leg bent and the other straight.

you press against the wall...pushing like it is gonna push back.

Once you realize it is gonna hold you...

that it is not going anywhere,

the tears fall down your cheeks, your lips, your body.

The loudness of the water falling brings your voice...

The swift breaths in between the tears,

In between your body and the wall

keeps you from noticing that you have fallen to the ground.

It keeps you from noticing that you are curled in a ball.

The water pours down like a waterfall 

But not as much as the tears down your face.

You get up, turn off the water, grab your towel.

You step out, slowly drying your body...

You look in the mirror..

you should feel better...

you DO feel better.

No one even has to know. 

~~grb ~~