Before the Storm

 calm the rain 

before the storm

hear the angels crying

it's coming down

like never before

see the world... dying

it's coming down

it's closing in

what have you done?

where have you been?

down one knee

down on two 

now you pray

not knowing what else to do.

calm the rain

here comes the storm

I close my eyes

I'm feeling worn.

It's closing in

wrapping around

the very soul

the angel found

it's coming down...

the rain will fall

the earth will turn

you feel so small.

it's coming down

it's coming down

save your soul, 

it's coming down. 

~~grb  2012~~

 

 

To Believe It All

I lay awake at night in my cold bed

thinking of life and things that surround it.

I lay awake looking out the window

Thinking of the years of the stars

How we all disappear but they remain.

The oceans will fade away

The twinkle in each ones eyes die out

The dirt remains with nothing growing

Memories we fight so hard to have...to keep...

Yet who will be here to remember?

The fog fades into the night

And I lay here wondering  who will remember me?

And for what reason may I cross their mind?

If I cross it at all in this busy world of lost souls.

Nothing dreary here...just simple words...

Words that may mean nothing at all in years to come.

But as I lay here, I think of faith, love, miracles

All which just are said to simply exist...

Just because they do.

I am not so sure. 

Everything you are taught to believe...

All the things that show no proof of existence

But we are just expected to believe it all...

To live by it all. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a "see it to believe it"

Kind of girl.

~~grb 12/2012~~

It was like...

It was like a dessert...
Smells good, tastes good..
Before each taste, your mouth waters.
It was like heaven and hell...
The beautiful life of each
Yet the temptation of needing more.
It was like...
The rays beaming on  your face
On a sunny day.
Like the flowers blooming in a meadow 
During winter, when it shouldn't be.
It was like...
Well, it just was.
And when the last taste is tasted....
When the plate is so clean as if it were new,
You close your eyes to remember...
The smell of each ingredient
The taste on your tongue
And the beauty that lied before you.

It was like a dessert....
It just was.

~~grb~~
2012
(Picture belongs to http://shine.yahoo.com/beauty/sugar-aging-fight-glycation-205900666.html)

New Year

The division line was drawn

The boundary was set pretty clear

The red flags flew up waving high

And the pain sunk in fast.

The decision was made with one in concern

And there wasn't any explanation owed.

It wasn't hateful or mean or intending to hurt

It just simply was. 

Standing back, one may think,

"Was it there the whole time?"

The tendency to be blind...

Well, sometimes that makes us a fool.

 I am grateful for those in my life

And those merely passing through.

I feel enough love in my life 

That my need for more lightly exists. 

The line is there and I don't feel the need to cross.

I will miss the old times and what it was.

I will miss the future plans and the laughter

And perhaps the late drinking nights.

I have to make a decision based on a "whole"

Not just on me.

It will be a New Year...

~~grb 2012/12~~

When The Tide Comes

It's gonna be time 

before I can hold your hand

I know it sucks but 

I am hoping that you understand...

 

There's gonna be some mountains to climb

There may be some tidal waves

You're gonna need some patience now

I'm gonna have to stay away...

Under the same moon we will lie

You may feel me in the distance now

You can hear my footsteps stop

As I start to bow out...

I'm gonna have to stay away...

I'm gonna have to try to behave

I'm gonna need some patience now

I may even need to leave town.

I have gotta quarter in my pocket

The jokes on me because I never saw it

I could have won at heads and tails

Double headed, it was never gonna fail.

But that's a bet lost now. 

The stars aligned to trick my head

My mind had fallen with the words you said

And I was drowning in the world you call home

Now I have to walk away all alone...

There's gonna be some mountains to climb

There will be some heavy tidal waves

I need to cross it before I am out of time

I need, I need a distant getaway

The waves will come on crashing down

I won't be the fodder in that midst

I'm removing myself from the problem now

So you can live like you insist. 

 

It's gonna be time before I can hold your hand

It's come to this, I'm sorry  

I am hoping that you understand...

~~grb  12/12~~

(Image belongs to www.wholeo.net)

Of What It Was

the night fell into the harbor

i saw the beauty fade

the stars had hibernated

and the sky turned darkened gray.

the hairs stood up on my arms

as the fog formed across my feet

i thought the earth had stopped moving 

as it lifted me, gradually.

i did not care that it couldn't be real

as nothing seemed so much

i could not pretend that i didn't hurt

and then lie and laugh, as such.

i played the game as fair as can be

yet came out short at the end. 

i look forward, staying positive

watching the pieces mend.
it is told that this is  life

and i am aware what it all holds

i beg to differ in this belief

for my destiny is untold.

the night fell upon the harbor

as the water  appeared so still

i focused on the future

and the strength to persevere.

~~grb  2012~~

Dancing Soul

When the lights go down, I can feel it
    It's the tingling on my skin
       My heart moves to the music
           Moving my body to the rhythm

It's my getaway...my flying bird

Soaring through the sky

It's all vanishing within....

Just letting it go.

                 Close your eyes to hear better
            Close your mouth to express more
        Let your body guide you
   Through the rest of your life.

So when the lights go down, I will feel it

It's the tingling on my skin

The sensational goose bumps running down my spine

The butterflies in my stomach....

And the shivers running along my bones.

          Moving my body to the music
               My heart to the rhythm
                      My mind to to the words
   And my soul....well my soul just keeps on dancing.

~~grb  11/12~~

 

(artwork belongs to:  http://yanari.deviantart.com/art/Dancing-Soul-137426731)

Inside His Head, Inside His Thoughts

The wayward winds came down crashing 

Like a hurricane in my midst.

I stayed back without a reaction

But in my head it was a mess.

The night still fell but I could tell

The anger hasn't left

The thickened fog that wrapped around me

Was bound to do its best.

A tattered shirt and dirty jeans 

Reminded me of what was

The resentment hanging in the air 

Left my mind in a thickened fuzz. 

A walk on down memory lane

Can cost one's mind their sanity

The happy smiles and cold denials

Will lead them to their vanity. 

I drift and stare then disappear 

Into another life I can call my own

Carrying my burdens and pain in my heart 

I am determined to be alone.

I dare not to care and dare not to bleed

Out to anyone that thinks they have earned

A place in my life as the #1

For that, I do not need. 

The wayward winds came down crashing

And I stood here calm and alone

I stayed back without a reaction

For the outcome, I have always known.

~~grb 2012--

For you, JB

To Forget

 

if my heart forgets how to dance

will you help it to remember?

if my mind runs wild

will you help tame it?

as a tear falls 

i'm lost to the reason.

one look in my eyes 

and you can read me.

my body shivers and my hands shake.

my heart is pounding to an unknown beat.

as the world drowns me in its crazyness

i shed a tear of my wasted sanity.  

laughter once sounded wonderful

and now silence is what i need.

i feel it slipping slowly

i feel me fading away...

so if  my mind runs wild 

please tame it...

but if my heart forgets how to dance...

let me go.

~~grb~~  

                                                 

                                                 2012

A thought in normal light

in the normal light i was thinking

about the old times

i walked the street tonight

breathing in nature and feeling it wrap around me

i walked up the step to enter in...

i use to see you sitting there

remote in hand, feet kicked up

once a smile...later just disappeared.

i used to warm up to those moments 

now i walk in...dark room and cold air

i grab a blanket to warm my bones

i grab a book to warm my mind

i reach for prayer to warm my heart.

in the normal light i was thinking...

reach out...

on the long walk i was feeling...

let it be

oh when you're cold

i am not there to hold you tight

oh when you're lost

i am not there to lead you back

oh when you need to cry

i am not there to dry your eyes....

in time, you will forget

but i will walk in the normal light and think

i once did that

on the long walk on a darkened road i will remember

i use to be that for you.

I was once by your side.

I will let it be...for now...

As it is what it is.

but in my mind...

A tear falls 

oh when you are cold

remember to grab a blanket

oh when you are lost

grab a compass

i will be north

you will be south

we may never meet

but we will always know. 

~~grb~~  2012

The Inner You

It's the inside where it is dark

calmly waiting behind the darkest part it can find.

It's the inner most part that most don't want out.

The part that may cause judgement from the light around.

It's the deepest you.

It's the decisions others may find to be wrong

It lingers in the corridors of your soul.

It sets the focus for your desired dreams

And the procrastination of the ones you think you need. 

It's the inner you.

When the night falls and the sky sleeps

it longs to come out....

And you mustn't fight it. 

When the world feels like a magnetic force

and you are the magnet...

When your body feels like it's drowning 

by the world around it...

When the ultimate suffocating device 

stares right back at you in the mirror....

You grab for it. 

You let it crawl through every piece of you 

for the ultimate escape.

You feel it tear through your body 

Until you release it through your scream......

It's the inside where it is dark

calmly waiting behind the darkest part it can find.

It's the inner most part that most want out.

The part that has no fear

The part that can handle anything...

It's the deepest you.

``grb 2012``

Too Much

  The stones punctured my back on my way down.

Each stone ripping into my skin.

As my head hit the last stone it could take...

I realized I had fallen, again.

I climbed to the top before

Using every piece of my anger,

My motivation was my fear

And I hid my love behind my heart...

I was driven to not feel what had been.

And here I lie alone on the ground.

The fall was quick and exhausting.

But the pain, I am sure it's there....

Yet I am numb. 

For every stone protruding my skin

I shed a tear of blood.

For every stone I hold in my hand,

I feel the loss of my love.

For every silent thought I feel

I pray, this is too much.

~~grb  2012~~

Wicked Truth or Desperate Lie?

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                                             E   L

"Stand tall, be strong"....I read it in a book.

His smile was his mask and his heart was his...

Pain.

He stood in his truth and lied to noone...

But sometimes, he felt as though he was his own captor. 

The image in the mirror has a shield...

Something to hide behind;

Wipe off the makeup

Remove the mask....breathe.

Every excuse in the book not to go forward

Every excuse in the book not to hold back...

Every excuse for every thing....

Can't lie about something if you never let it happen.

"The truth shall set you free."

If so, why when we tell it do we feel caged?

Why does it feel like chains on your wrist?

Like a ball hooked from the chain on your ankle?

Sometimes a lie can feel like freedom when the truth is a sinking ship. 

Ageless, beautiful, passionate...

The words can feel heavy but another lie is told.

Mean, slobbery, foolish..

And the truth shall bring down the tears.

The image in the mirror was restless,

Wiped the makeup off, removed the mask.

Removed one strap, two straps

Unbuttoned one button, two buttons, three....

Clothes to the floor.

The image in the mirror was the truth

No masks, no shields, no protection.

Not sure what to make of it, the clothes came up.

"The truth shall set you free"

Or shall it be your captor?

Wicked Truth or Desperate Lie?

~~grb  2012~~

Unknown

 

I stared at this painting for hours...

I stared at it, cried at it, fell in to it.

It screamed to me "come closer".

It could be a raging tiger.

At one end, the heavens push him in the "right" direction;

And on the other, evil cannot let go.

He is reaching, grabbing, thrusting forward

Trying to get as far away as possible.

It is fire, war, pain, death and tears.

It is hatred, anger, distrust and fears.

It is...or is it not?

Perhaps it is life coming from death,

light after coming from the dark...

Or is it?

Or maybe it is all in my head. 

I am seeing what I need to or maybe, 

what I have to. 

 

~~grb 2012~~

therawartistgallery.com

Broken Ground

The ground cracked under my feet

Cutting me up, I watched them bleed.

As it breaks underneath me I began to think...

I should have been more prepared.

It's like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit

No matter which way you turn it, it's wrong.

Feeling detached, disconnected...

I want it to fit. 

It's a never ending hallway of disappointment

The dreams you had are right there,

but you can't grab them...

You can't even reach them.

Feeling restless and out of control.

I strained my neck just trying to see what it was

What it was that I needed, wanted so badly.

A high standard dream of success...

And a multitude of obstacles dragging me down...

I need to learn to hurdle better.

~~grb  2012~~

(Picture belongs to http://www.roleplaygateway.com/roleplay/university-of-broken-chains/places/broken-chains-living-quarters-floor-1/map)

Taking it all

Turning pages 

Traveling down..

Down the corridor

Of simple things.

Sifting through all the things in my head

Mistakenly shaking the tears that I shed

Exploring the dark that lies in my mind,

Imploring the words that fall through time. 

Stop and listen:

I'm taking it all

I'm taking it down

I can see the beginning

gonna tear up the town.

A kiss from a stranger

A hug from a friend

Sometimes the most lonely you feel

is when everyone's around.  

The most beautiful eyes

Calming voice....

Laughter that can be heard for miles...

Gonna make it mine.

So just stop and listen:

I'm taking it all

I'm taking it down

I can see the beginning

gonna tear up the town.

~~grb~~

My Gargoyle, Bronx

 June 18, 2002-June 12, 2012

 He didn't eat at the table 

He didn't tell me he loved me  
With beautiful words...

But I knew he did.

He didn't go to school

Or work, 

He didn't bring in money

Or buy groceries...

He didn't yell at me when I pissed him off...

But he let me know.

He was there when I was broken,

He was there when my son felt defeated.

He was there for each birthday

and each scratch my son had.

He was there when I felt I had no one....

He was always there.

He tried to sing, he tried to laugh even.

But I knew he hurt when he cried.

He had a smile that only we could see.

He had a way of always making me feel better.

He wasn't human but he acted like he was

He wasn't a cat, but he sure could climb a tree.

He wasn't a lap dog but was determined to fit...

He wasn't the smartest but he sure tried.

He was a loss....a loss that breaks my heart.

A loss that brings tears to my son's eyes.

He was my dog, an ol' man, my baby boy.

He was my Bronxy, and always will be.

He will be ever so missed.

~~grb ~~  

Whirlwind

Rethink and unwind

Relive it in your mind

Move forward.

Forgive and forget

Make mistakes, no regrets.

Move forward.

Move forward...

What does that mean, really?

We always move forward

We mean to change,

We mean to forgive

We mean to mind our own

Yet, we really just talk out of our ass.

Expectations some may have

The pedastool is now lower than the step stool

But, you still have one, right?

Move forward...like a bad bell

Ringing in my ear.

I'm a whirlwind...

I pick things up  to destroy them...

To scatter them around me 

To see what could have been

Or more, what was.

I mean to change,

My pattern may appear different

But its not. 

Move forward...

It's not black and white

It's a labyrinth in my head

Humility, embarrassment

Shame....

Move forward...

I have to figure it out. 

~~grb  2012

His Life

It was a strand of hair

A new direction straight from his head.

It was potential, beauty, bright future

That lied endlessly in the palm of his hand.

Did he really understand how quickly he could blow it?

Young, talented, promising...

with the squeeze of his hand 

It could all be gone. 

Why would he decided to hold it all in one hand?

Decisions can be the hardest thing in life.

They can essentially decide who you are...

Show people what  you stand for

And what you don't. 

You can change them, but you can't take them back. 

He is headed in the right direction,

I must have faith.

But faith won't keep him straight,

Faith won't stop the world from throwing curve balls.

Faith won't hold him tight when he is scared as hell.

I can not keep him safe. 

I can not keep him straight.

I can not decide for him

And I can not give him the answers.

So I sit here feeling helpless, 

I will love him  and guide him.

And I will pray he is doing what is right.

And learns from what isn't.

~~grb  2012~~

(The picture belongs to Anne Houseman- website beautyxpose)

LIQUID COURAGE

All I think is where this is going

finding myself thinking alone...

seeing alone...

One bottle, two...

All I feel is separation yet suffocation

Always falling backwards when I should fall forward.

Falling back....

One shot, two...

Feeling the anger...

Resurfacing....redecorating my mind.

Redirecting my sanity 

to the captivity in my heart. 

The red that fills the space..

covers the green...

destroys the blue 

that should be my safety.

Dammit.

Sitting, staring, glaring...

motivating...scary. 

They are small bottles...

Liquid courage...

small but large...

they go down nicely...

Driving through my mind...

I crash in to myself...

Breaking away to feel me close..

Irony....empathy....pity....

covers me like a blanket....

Red...fills the space

Liquid courage...

For a moment, helps erase

The scars, the hurt, the pain....

One bottle, two...

~~grb 2012~~

(I do not own rights for the picture above.