Suffocating

Unable to sleep so I write. 

Unable to share , so I keep quiet. 

Slightly suffocating under my skin

Wrapping me up, wearing me thin. 

Close my eyes and  it happens all over again

Try staying busy to ignore the pain. 

I'm suffocating...

Where's the knife to cut a hole

To help me breath when it's tightly pulled

Across my face, I cannot breathe

Across my body, I can't break free

I'm suffocating...

Walking trough the water, I cry

Feeling the water up my thigh

I rip at it all that keeps chaining me down

I tear it apart until I fall to the ground...

Breathing.... 

The sand at me feet, pulling me in

Grabbing and tugging at my shins; 

The water lays across my legs

Helping me sink into the waves.

I'm suffocating. 

Taunting, haunting

It's wearing me down

Tightly pulling me 

To the ground...

I'm suffocating. 

~~grb. 8/16/14 

Unspoken

Ice cold water almost burns my face
As wake up to the tears down my cheek.
I must have dreamt something
Yet I wake with no memory of what.
Trying to go back to sleep is useless.
My mind keeps going back...
Rolling back to that day of bad news...
Rolling back through years of everything,
Everything that is so unimportant now.
Can't forget  the sadness,
The pain behind my eyes,
The heaviness in my heart.
No one can stop it
Not sure if I can contain it much longer.
I don't need to show people I care
Or that I am affected.
I don't need to prove to anyone my feelings,
By public tears and spoken words.
I live everyday in my skin and feelings.
I deal with things in my own way
And communication has never been my thing.
I sit here now thinking of what to feel
Some sort of justification for the tears
Behind my eyes.
There is no going back...
No do overs or time travel.
I sit here in the dark contemplating ...
Trying to decide where to go from here.
I just want to lay down....
Wake me when it's all over.

~~grb 8/10/2014

in the Void

shadows lying with in

can't change where we have been

needles falling all around

tell me what keeps us bound?

full of lust and dormant cravings;

throw me through all the shavings

Of the world that we've destroyed

falling through the endless void.

we dance along the empty streets

filling up on all our needs

caring, sharing, loving all

those that will hurt us until we fall.

we throw our personal anchor in the sea

strapping us down yet wondering

why we can't move and we can't leave

we forget that we staged the scene.

shadows lying with in

can not change where we have been

we make the choices and then try to live

taking yet not willing to give. 

we all fall down at the end

no one to remember us and how we had been.

the shadows fall all around

you must dig deep to stay above ground.

In the void, in the deep

i pray the Lord my soul to keep.

if already fallen and can not wake

i pray the Lord my soul to take.

~~grb~~

 

A little Tequila

Spiraling down, down, down
The narrow hole in the ground.
Sliding away from the world,
Away from the things that hurt.

She tries to hold on

To something great;

She tries to be strong

But tries too late.

She never saw where this was going
But she kept on pushing and pulling.
Confusing her mind and heart
Until it almost tore her apart.

So she sips on her coffee and bailey

She sits there just thinking "Maybe.."

The voices inside keep calling

"Take some tequila to keep you from falling."

Pouring them down, down, down.
One after another til she hits the ground.
Can't blame her for the walls she puts up
to defend her from those she dares to trust.

I remember when she use to smile.

I remember her laughter but it has been a while. 

I remember the way she would light up a room.

I remember her heart beating while she stared at the moon.

Her glow has abandoned her this time
It's been so long since she has shined.
She looks at the world in a heavier way
And longs to know if that will change.

So she sips on her coffee and bailey.

She sits there just thinking, "Maybe.."

The voice inside keep calling 

"Take some tequila to keep you from falling." 

~~grb  01/10/14

Cheers to the New Year!

Everything seems to fold up nicely

As you place it all in the box.

As you place the lids, 

You wish quietly to pack up some memories too...

To leave it all in the year before. 

Sometimes all you need is a clean slate...

So clean you feel like a brand new person.

One can dream...

The new  year is celebrated like a life...

As if a hero had passed and came back from the dead. 

All these years I was sad to be alone on this night..

Upset if I didn't have someone or the one at midnight.

But nothing ever happens whether you do or don't.

Yet we all want it.

The new year means we made it.

It means sticks and stones may hurt us,

But here we are breathing another day.

It makes everything seem so petty. 

I cheers tonight to those who are no longer. 

I cheers tonight to those that can't cheers,

To those that are missing someone they will never hold again.

Tonight I cheers to those who have lost 

And to those who look down upon us. 

Tonight, I lift my glass  and say:

"Cheers to another year that I may breathe. 

To remembering my life is a gift and I must live it to the fullest. 

Cheers!"

Happy New Years!

~~grb   12.31.13~~

(Image posted does not belong to me. Was tested to me--author unknown)

What it Could Have...

 In the quiet of the night

laying low, beneath the rubble,

I peek into the sky

and watch the mountain crumble.

It could have been the weather;

the raging of the storm..

It could have been the beauty,

The calmness keeping the norm.

It could have been...

Knocking down the trees

I'm running through my life

Tearing up the weeds

Until the cliff meets the sky.

Trying to catch myself

Before I fall over,

Into the water rising

the hit would keep me sober.

I could have fallen...

Pounding in my ears,

the mountain crumbles down

Pounding under my skin

Bringing out the sound..

The rocks jumping on the pavement

My heart beating through my chest.

The mountain falls around me

Laying me to rest.

I could have...

But I didn't. 

They say its all or nothing

You have to be all in

And the saying "get your cake and eat it too" 

Just slides on down my skin.

Maybe I like ice cream...

cake is just too thick

May I want to lick it

Cuz eating is to quick.

In the quiet of the night

laying low, beneath the rubble;

I peek into the sky

and watch the mountain crumble.

It could have been the weather;

the raging of the storm..

It could have been the beauty

The calmness keeping the norm. 

It could have been...

~~grb  11/28~~

Tick Tock

 

Popped the pills, drank the drink

Yet my mind just keeps me awake

Drifting through some worthless crap

that refuse to go away.

tick tock...i hear time pass

tick tock...pour another glass

tick tock...sleeping pill

tick tock...let time stand still...

By the time I fall asleep

The clock will wake me up.

By the time my eyes fall closed...

tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

I lay here, tossing and turning

I lay here, my mind feels like it's burning

(tick tock..tick tock) 

No chance it will all go away

And damn!! I will still be awake.

Drifting through some worthless crap

That refuse to go away;

I popped the pills, drank the drink

And now I just can't stay awake.

~~grb  10/2013~~