Unspoken

Ice cold water almost burns my face
As wake up to the tears down my cheek.
I must have dreamt something
Yet I wake with no memory of what.
Trying to go back to sleep is useless.
My mind keeps going back...
Rolling back to that day of bad news...
Rolling back through years of everything,
Everything that is so unimportant now.
Can't forget  the sadness,
The pain behind my eyes,
The heaviness in my heart.
No one can stop it
Not sure if I can contain it much longer.
I don't need to show people I care
Or that I am affected.
I don't need to prove to anyone my feelings,
By public tears and spoken words.
I live everyday in my skin and feelings.
I deal with things in my own way
And communication has never been my thing.
I sit here now thinking of what to feel
Some sort of justification for the tears
Behind my eyes.
There is no going back...
No do overs or time travel.
I sit here in the dark contemplating ...
Trying to decide where to go from here.
I just want to lay down....
Wake me when it's all over.

~~grb 8/10/2014