His Life

It was a strand of hair

A new direction straight from his head.

It was potential, beauty, bright future

That lied endlessly in the palm of his hand.

Did he really understand how quickly he could blow it?

Young, talented, promising...

with the squeeze of his hand 

It could all be gone. 

Why would he decided to hold it all in one hand?

Decisions can be the hardest thing in life.

They can essentially decide who you are...

Show people what  you stand for

And what you don't. 

You can change them, but you can't take them back. 

He is headed in the right direction,

I must have faith.

But faith won't keep him straight,

Faith won't stop the world from throwing curve balls.

Faith won't hold him tight when he is scared as hell.

I can not keep him safe. 

I can not keep him straight.

I can not decide for him

And I can not give him the answers.

So I sit here feeling helpless, 

I will love him  and guide him.

And I will pray he is doing what is right.

And learns from what isn't.

~~grb  2012~~

(The picture belongs to Anne Houseman- website beautyxpose)

LIQUID COURAGE

All I think is where this is going

finding myself thinking alone...

seeing alone...

One bottle, two...

All I feel is separation yet suffocation

Always falling backwards when I should fall forward.

Falling back....

One shot, two...

Feeling the anger...

Resurfacing....redecorating my mind.

Redirecting my sanity 

to the captivity in my heart. 

The red that fills the space..

covers the green...

destroys the blue 

that should be my safety.

Dammit.

Sitting, staring, glaring...

motivating...scary. 

They are small bottles...

Liquid courage...

small but large...

they go down nicely...

Driving through my mind...

I crash in to myself...

Breaking away to feel me close..

Irony....empathy....pity....

covers me like a blanket....

Red...fills the space

Liquid courage...

For a moment, helps erase

The scars, the hurt, the pain....

One bottle, two...

~~grb 2012~~

(I do not own rights for the picture above.

Empty

Empty, cold, gone

it hit like a hurricane.

I watched the Doppler 

I don't think I quite understood.

 I knew ahead of time...

Deep in my mind.

I never expected 

How hard it would effect me. 

Walking away a bit

seemed to make sense...

but walking back 

made it confusing.

Empty...

It's not an uncomfortableness

I would ever choose for myself.

Empty...

No warmth, no heat, no smile

Just cold...

I forgot I moved to the arctic...

I forgot I moved myself...

moved myself into the blizzard,

into the cold of the emptiness.  

Empty, cold, gone

it hit like a hurricane.

It poured like a tropical storm.

I watched the Doppler 

I should have been more prepared.

~~grb 2012~~

My Angel

In the angel's hand, I lye

Feeling calm at heart and mind

In the angel's hand I cry

Feeling lost and out of time.

In the abyss of worthiness

I laid across the sleek, black stone.

In the abyss of happiness

I still lied alone.

In the depths of ones despair

I solemnly declared...

I have had enough of this.

In the angel's arms, I sat

In the angel's arms, I was sad

In the angel's arms I...

I awoke in my own arms..

I awoke alone and cold

Where had my angel gone,

When I needed him the most? 

~~grb  2012~~

(I do not own rights for the picture above. It came from http://www.fairiesvampires.com/photo/robert-8/prev?context=user)

Writer's Block

Writer's block

Every time I need to write.

How does that work?

Trying to put it on paper

But nothing comes out.

All I wanted was a beach night..

But the rain came...

the cause of my writers block.

Wish I could have "feelings" block

Every time I don't want to feel.

If only that could work.

Trying not to care 

But it won't stop pouring..

All I wanted was to write tonight...

But I was feeling too much shit...

and no beach to be calm at...

Damn rain.

Writer's block...

Been broken into,

Has me writing this crap...

What the hell?

~~grb  2012

Selfish

Selfish is a word commonly used when referring to me

I use to find it to be an annoyance, A fault,

Something I must change. 

Then one day...

I looked around and realized that I could be selfless

When nobody was looking.

I could be caring

When nobody was watching.

I could be loving

When nobody cared to see it

And I could be selfish...

When everyone was paying attention. 

Perhaps it's not a fault but a barrier...

A wall to guard my soul.

Perhaps the annoyance was others...

Others projecting their selfishness on me,

or perhaps it is what it is.

I will no longer change to fit the dress

But change the dress to fit me.

I will no longer cover over the paint

To satisfy an unsatisfiable heart.

Selfish....

It used to ring in my head with dishonor

I maybe selfish, I maybe mean,

I maybe selfless, I may not be

I may be many things...

But that's just me.

~~grb  2012~~

Safety

In those strong arms,

In the midst of anything...

Nothing feels safer.

Knowing everything will be okay...

Knowing the world is not stopping,

That the earth will still turn..

Safety.

An endless sleep can happen

in those arms. 

A smile that lasts forever

can happen because of those strong arms.

It can be someones safety net, 

A comfort only one whose had them knows.

Sometimes we just want to know it will all be okay.

Sometimes, 

Sometimes all we need is to feel safe.

Safety.

~~grb 2012~