Sometimes....

Sometimes I wish I could erase yesterday.

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward through tomorrow. 

And then sometimes I wish I could delete today...

Sometimes...

I wake up to early in the morning

I sleep too little at night.

I dress in sweats because it fits

And my ponytail is held too tight.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish my mind could work with my heart

And that my mind would work with my feet

And then maybe I wouldn't stumble across myself,

or stumble at all.

Sometimes....

I wish I could forget my heart

I wish I would never dream

Sometimes I wish for nothing....

 

But sometimes...

I lay awake at night...

Stretched across my sheets

Wishing for a good dream

Wrapping the blankets around me.

Tonight...

I wish I wasn't hugging myself

And laying in the cold.

I wish it wasn't the blankets 

That were there to keep me warm.

Sometimes....

~~grb  2012~~

One of These Days...

Falling from the sky, I"m watching it go

One of these days the sky will open

And catch me with its tears...

Catching me dancing in it.

I see the blue of the sky mix with the green of the ocean

We won't have to suffer like the fish  under oil

We will have an escape....

We will find a way.

Then I'm brought down to the now...

Wishing it was the know...

Sometimes I think I'm like a paper weight

Holding something down that needs to be freed.

At times I feel invisible

At times I feel smothered...

And then the sky opens

And I drown in its tears....

I feel...nothing.

One of these days your gonna find me smiling

Your gonna see me happy and wonder where it was

Wonder what brought the shine in my eyes...

One of these days I will be strengthened 

I will be stronger than Superman on his best day.

I will be standing tall and holding strong

One of these days...

I will be my own escape. 

~~grb  2012~~

Choice

 

Feeling the warmth wrapped around me, 

my angel holds me calm.

I'm tearing myself open...

Finding myself under it all.

At times I lock up my mind

So perhaps I can sleep;

But sometimes I lay it loose,

to remind me that I am me. 

A drifting soul, I have heard one say

Goes door to door trying to find its way.

And then the door that opens wide

Takes it in and calms the tide.

I am not a drifting soul, but floating;

I am not a prize for some second place win

Or replacement jewel for a diamond lost.

I am no option, I am a choice.

I am finicky, I am indecisive

I can be confusing and sometimes righteous.

I can be irritating and very coy

I can be pleasant and full of joy.

I go through life on my own terms

I smile at those who long to see me burn.

I keep my hurt locked inside

I use it as strength to get me through life.

And so I say,

I am not a prize for some second place win

Or replacement jewel for a diamond lost.

I am no option, I am a choice.

~~grb~~1/12

 

 

Pounding Silence

Drifting silence...

Pounding silence...

Yes, there is such a thing. 

It's when the silence becomes too much;

When you hear nothing, but your mind is talking.

When the talking becomes yelling 

And your head starts hurting...

That is the pounding silence.

The nothing can be almost pleasant 

than dealing with silence.

With nothing, there isn't anything hanging around...

There isn't anything unfinished or needing closure.

The silence wraps me like an unwelcomed blanket

That drags me to my knees.

I will sleep every night like I always do...

Perhaps even dream a little...

And just wait for the silence to let me go. 

~~grb 2012~~

(photograph by ciar4)        

http://ciar4n.deviantart.com/art/Enjoy-The-Silence-62288933

No Champion

The cold wrapped itself up in me

Like a blanket smothered by a child.

Nothing comfortable, by any means.

I felt the wind pass through me like I did not exist

But the after chill proved that I did. 

I saw his eyes upon me with daggers into my soul

And the weight of his stare crushed my immortal bones.

I am a champion by no means.

My strength is tested when I feel my weakness, my kryptonite;

My poison that hits me like an injection of drugs 

Directly into my bloodstream.

I feared it was not a dream but then, that's all it was.

I woke up out of breathe...running from something that wasn't there

Something that didn't happen, Yet the eyes I still felt on my skin.

I hear him in my head sometimes...

Telling me things...

Some I long to hear and others that just feed my anger.

I have all but let go of most and am dragged back by my own mind.

The sun's gaze did not heal me nor did the warmth of a blanket.

I sat, shaken on my bed

My legs bent to one side, my arms enveloping the blanket

As if it were my safety net.

And then....

I felt the wind pass through me like I did not exist

But the after chill proved that I did. 

I saw his eyes upon me with daggers into my soul

And the weight of his stare crushed my immortal bones.

I am a champion by no means.

And by that, I seize the strength to overcome.

~~grb 2012~~

Under The Sun

The sun came up and I realized I was still awake
The gentle rays of the sun streamed through my blinds
And I was suddenly full of warmth.
I decided to sit outside and take it in...
And I took in more......not always good.

My mind felt like it was gonna explode
'Things in my life I have done and those I haven't
Things I have said...things I haven't.
Trying to fill voids by staying busy, being social...
Trying to fill the spaces.

Life gets overwhelming
Memories, some haunting
Dreams become mesmerizing
The days just seem long.


The sun seems warm on my face and I have decided
That I am done....
I am done going through life just to get to tomorrow.
I am done explaining my actions for what I have not done yet
And trying to figure why I have done what I have. 


I need to look at the world differently...see more than just today
The sun feels warm on my skin, fresh to my body
I can feel whole without even breathing.
I want to live under the sun for the rest of my life.


~~grb 2011~~

To Be Fearless

Perhaps my drug of choice...
My poison...My love.
I am set in my ways...in my decision
But a piece of me
Feels wrong.
Haunted by memories..
Some good, some bad.
But there are the ones that outweigh the rest.
The words on the paper...
The ink that wrote them..
The hand that held the pen...
The hand attached to the arm, to the body...
To the heart of one so in love.
The words that stretched across the page...
The page that touched the hand...
The hand that received the paper
That was attached to a heart of one so in love.
Or the touch..followed by the words
 that filled the mind and soul of one so eager...
So eager to be everything he wants..but can't.
She couldn't find her way back..
She couldn't find the path...it was so dark.
There is a such thing as too late and not better than never.
It is the time that would confuse one even more.
It is a time to choose to not be selfish...to let them go.
Letting go....even when you are so not ready.
It is the time of fear...
The fear of never touching them,
Kissing them....holding them...looking in their eyes.
It is sad, scary and hard.


When will you know what is right?


Perhaps my drug of choice...
My poison...but still, my non regretted love.


~~grb~~