Thin Faith

Tell me....
Did he roll the dice a bit too far?
Bet a hand that was so flawed?
Did he care too much and love too deep?
Did he forget to pray before he went to sleep?

Tell me....
What did he do?

I sit here waiting for one more test
One more voice , one more body, one more result.
I sit here waiting for the good news to come
I sit here waiting,  just waiting.

I see his face and remember his eyes
I know he is hurting.
This helplessness I feel is overwhelming.
Each time he holds my hand
I feel it; it's very telling.

I ask the questions loudly
As he quietly does the same
I ask our Lord the questions
I ask but nothing will change.

Perhaps it's all but science
That keeps us having faith.
Faith that something bigger out there
Will help our loved ones pain.

Nothing we can grab.
Nothing we can reach out for.
Nothing we can feel in our hands.
Nothing to hold on to...
But faith.

So tell me....
So give me answers.
Because my faith is running thin.

Did he love too hard?
Work too much?
Live to well?
Or everything that's him not enough?

Tell me why!

~~grb 1/13/15
For D.H. Jr.

Days of Old

Rain, rain it's fallen down,

smashing right into the ground:

anger fills up in my soul

and it just won't stop...

watch it fall, watch it drop,

I try to stop it--I let go. 

watch it slide on down the drain

into the river falling slow.

I just let go.....

I just let it all go...

Rain, rain it's falling down,

Shivering cold, I'm on the ground.

Laying deep in the trail bend,

I taste the water filled with pain.

I just let go....

I'm gonna let it all go..

Approaching on a day of old

A stranger's holiday in the cold

all play thanks one day a year

the only day they pretend to care

I'm letting go...

Gonna let it all go.

Rain, rain flowing fast

down the one untaken path

now we stand here in the cold

dreaming of the days of old...

And I,

Feel, 

the,

Pain,

Drowning, 

In,

the,

Rain.  

It's falling down, down it goes

It's falling down, down some more

And I will lay here and breathe

Letting it cover all over me.

I'm letting go...

~~grb 2014~~

Suffocating

Unable to sleep so I write. 

Unable to share , so I keep quiet. 

Slightly suffocating under my skin

Wrapping me up, wearing me thin. 

Close my eyes and  it happens all over again

Try staying busy to ignore the pain. 

I'm suffocating...

Where's the knife to cut a hole

To help me breath when it's tightly pulled

Across my face, I cannot breathe

Across my body, I can't break free

I'm suffocating...

Walking trough the water, I cry

Feeling the water up my thigh

I rip at it all that keeps chaining me down

I tear it apart until I fall to the ground...

Breathing.... 

The sand at me feet, pulling me in

Grabbing and tugging at my shins; 

The water lays across my legs

Helping me sink into the waves.

I'm suffocating. 

Taunting, haunting

It's wearing me down

Tightly pulling me 

To the ground...

I'm suffocating. 

~~grb. 8/16/14 

Unspoken

Ice cold water almost burns my face
As wake up to the tears down my cheek.
I must have dreamt something
Yet I wake with no memory of what.
Trying to go back to sleep is useless.
My mind keeps going back...
Rolling back to that day of bad news...
Rolling back through years of everything,
Everything that is so unimportant now.
Can't forget  the sadness,
The pain behind my eyes,
The heaviness in my heart.
No one can stop it
Not sure if I can contain it much longer.
I don't need to show people I care
Or that I am affected.
I don't need to prove to anyone my feelings,
By public tears and spoken words.
I live everyday in my skin and feelings.
I deal with things in my own way
And communication has never been my thing.
I sit here now thinking of what to feel
Some sort of justification for the tears
Behind my eyes.
There is no going back...
No do overs or time travel.
I sit here in the dark contemplating ...
Trying to decide where to go from here.
I just want to lay down....
Wake me when it's all over.

~~grb 8/10/2014

in the Void

shadows lying with in

can't change where we have been

needles falling all around

tell me what keeps us bound?

full of lust and dormant cravings;

throw me through all the shavings

Of the world that we've destroyed

falling through the endless void.

we dance along the empty streets

filling up on all our needs

caring, sharing, loving all

those that will hurt us until we fall.

we throw our personal anchor in the sea

strapping us down yet wondering

why we can't move and we can't leave

we forget that we staged the scene.

shadows lying with in

can not change where we have been

we make the choices and then try to live

taking yet not willing to give. 

we all fall down at the end

no one to remember us and how we had been.

the shadows fall all around

you must dig deep to stay above ground.

In the void, in the deep

i pray the Lord my soul to keep.

if already fallen and can not wake

i pray the Lord my soul to take.

~~grb~~

 

A little Tequila

Spiraling down, down, down
The narrow hole in the ground.
Sliding away from the world,
Away from the things that hurt.

She tries to hold on

To something great;

She tries to be strong

But tries too late.

She never saw where this was going
But she kept on pushing and pulling.
Confusing her mind and heart
Until it almost tore her apart.

So she sips on her coffee and bailey

She sits there just thinking "Maybe.."

The voices inside keep calling

"Take some tequila to keep you from falling."

Pouring them down, down, down.
One after another til she hits the ground.
Can't blame her for the walls she puts up
to defend her from those she dares to trust.

I remember when she use to smile.

I remember her laughter but it has been a while. 

I remember the way she would light up a room.

I remember her heart beating while she stared at the moon.

Her glow has abandoned her this time
It's been so long since she has shined.
She looks at the world in a heavier way
And longs to know if that will change.

So she sips on her coffee and bailey.

She sits there just thinking, "Maybe.."

The voice inside keep calling 

"Take some tequila to keep you from falling." 

~~grb  01/10/14

Cheers to the New Year!

Everything seems to fold up nicely

As you place it all in the box.

As you place the lids, 

You wish quietly to pack up some memories too...

To leave it all in the year before. 

Sometimes all you need is a clean slate...

So clean you feel like a brand new person.

One can dream...

The new  year is celebrated like a life...

As if a hero had passed and came back from the dead. 

All these years I was sad to be alone on this night..

Upset if I didn't have someone or the one at midnight.

But nothing ever happens whether you do or don't.

Yet we all want it.

The new year means we made it.

It means sticks and stones may hurt us,

But here we are breathing another day.

It makes everything seem so petty. 

I cheers tonight to those who are no longer. 

I cheers tonight to those that can't cheers,

To those that are missing someone they will never hold again.

Tonight I cheers to those who have lost 

And to those who look down upon us. 

Tonight, I lift my glass  and say:

"Cheers to another year that I may breathe. 

To remembering my life is a gift and I must live it to the fullest. 

Cheers!"

Happy New Years!

~~grb   12.31.13~~

(Image posted does not belong to me. Was tested to me--author unknown)