For You

Wiping a tear from my eyes never seemed so hard before. 

Eating and drinking in my life never used to feel like a chore. 

I playback my memories and a smile crosses my face. 

But when I play into my future, I see an empty space. 

It's like I'm living in one world while my heart is somewhere else. 

I try to pretend that I'm doing ok but I'm lying to myself. 

My heart is very heavy and sometimes hard to carry

I play it off like I'm happy but inside it's pretty scary. 

I want to lay down beside you, 

Hear your heart beat close to my ear. 

I want to hold you so tightly

Until all of your pain disappears. 

I want to stare into your eyes

And tell you how I love you,

And kiss your lips 

For as long as you so choose. 

I remember once I asked you if maybe I could keep you. 

You smiled at me and said "of course, if you really want to."

I remember it like yesterday, the first time you made me laugh

Or even that you never, ever made me mad. 

I want to hold your hand as we may fall asleep

I want to feel your skin warm and close to me. 

I want to wake up tomorrow and find it was a bad dream

That you will still be here, never leaving me. 

I will not cry my saddest tears on that final day.

My gift to you will be the hardest thing I can do. 

I will smile, laugh and carry on

To celebrate the beautiful gift that is you. 

~~grb  1/28/16

To Dwain, with all my love.