The Irony In My Head

I was unaware of the intellectual hold one can have on another.
This was not a person, but an idea that held with force.
I was young, naive and perpetually drawn to anything outside of reality.
I stared off for days, hours, lost in this idea of what my life would be.
Times that felt sacred to me made no sense to others.
I felt odd, out of place, but always played out with a smile and a laugh.
Always nervous of what people would think if they knew what went on in my head.

One day, I just felt full of self-esteem...
Full of a desire to go for more and yet need less...
Yes, it's a weird mixture; a set of words that when put together make you think.
Alot of what I would write or say ran on emotion,
Not much rationality nor thought at all.
But anything real to the heart is spoken with emotion.
So does a rational thought really play in here?
Perhaps.
But maybe I am rambling or maybe this is what I feared people know...

This is who I am.
I make sense in my mind and little to others.
I can't change how this is, how I feel, or who I am.
I can change my thought process, but why?

Do I leave you wondering what was the intellectual hold?

Well, you are right, that is how I leave it. :)

~~grb 9/5/11~~