Entrapment of the Mind

It was a new image burning in my head

Longing for the old to leave.

It was a new feeling beating on my heart

Tempting the old to evaporate.

Tempting, it is, to lay desolate and kind.

I try to fight the urgency to flee;

How can you sit back and smirk,

Nodding as if you know...

You don't know.

I tried, I did but there was no going back.

I demanded to feel different,

I pleaded to feel anything but what I felt...

No mercy was given.

I lye in bed for hours...

Contemplating my decisions...

Weighing my options...

Determining my fate..

And for what?

I have seen the pages, the pictures...

The feeling of being pushed away...

Being transparent is how it makes me feel.

Alone...as if in those pages I do not exist.

Is this the chosen path?

Or given without request?

I ponder my heart's thoughts and my mind's confusion...

I drop a tear for every hurt and another for every love in my heart.

I sit for hours trying not to feel...but I just do.

I have faded in one's eyes and I push to be noticed...

Yet I know not where I should be...

I have asked the questions and gained advice...

No answers have I heard.

I see the pages in my mind...

I move the pictures but they return...

I pulled the bandage off and let it all bleed...

Yet I still fade so effortlessly.

grb--2011